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1. Make Someone Happy

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy”.

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.

2. Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash.

Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash. Upon reaching Heaven, they are escorted as important personages directly to see God. God looks at Bill and asks, “Bill, you’ve sinned a great deal. Why should I allow you to enter into Heaven?”

“Well, gee, God,” replies Bill, “I’m the Pres-ee-dent of the United States. I’ve been trying to help people – you know give them universal health care and protect them from those mean-spirited Republicans who want to starve their children and throw sick old people out into the street.”

God considers this a moment and says, “Oh, okay. Sit over here on my left.” He turns to Al. “Al, why should I let you into Heaven?”

“Well, Lord, I’m the Vice President of the United States. I’ve tried to protect the environment from abuse by those mean-spirited Republicans and even wrote a very important book about it.”

God thinks a moment and says, “All right. Sit over here on my right. Now, Hillary, tell me why I should let *you* into Heaven.”

“Well, God, it’s like this. I’m the First Lady, the Co-President and, by the way, I think you’re sitting in my seat.”

3. Hillary Clinton and the Fortune Teller

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

“Will I be acquitted?”

4. Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

“The chicken sounds good, I’ll have that,” Hillary says.

The waiter nods: “And the vegetable?” he asks.

“Oh, HE’ll have the fish.” Hillary replies.