Doctors Jokes Message Funny and Humorous Collection

{SCA} This post is dedicated to funny doctors jokes.

These new and best collection of doctors jokes text messages are in English, Hindi and Urdu languages.

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1. Clearer

Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

2. Do You Drink a Lot

“Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really – I spill most of it!

3. Bad News and Very Bad News

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

4. Time Cures

Doctor Mayo,’ John says, ‘Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I’m all right.’
‘Then wait for half an hour before getting up,’ replies Doctor Mayo conclusively.

5. Leave Me Alone

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.

6. Home – Or Away?

A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. ‘Oh, it was very disappointing,’ he said. ‘I didn’t kill a thing. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital.

7. Keep Taking the Medicine

Patient: It’s been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did – the bottle said ‘keep tightly closed.

8. Quick Diagnosis

Nurse: ‘Doctor, Doctor the man you’ve just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?’
Doctor: ‘Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!

9. Patient to The Eye Doctor

Patient to the eye doctor: “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain.”
Doctor:”Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking.