{SCA} Drinks – A drink, or beverage, is a liquid which is specifically prepared for human consumption. In addition to filling a basic human need, beverages form part of the culture of human society.
In this post, we have compiled a list Funny drinking jokes that are very humorous and cute.
You can share these nice collection of drinking Jokes text messages to your friends and colleagues.
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1. Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman in a Pub
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!”
2. Knows when to stop
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and askes him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”
3. Three Brothers
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?”
The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”
The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine—-I just quit drinking.”
4. Irish Stew
We’ve got our own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.
5. On their way home from the bar
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”
Just then Jessica said, “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.”
So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, “Sir your license has expired.”
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, “I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.”
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, “Jessica, shut your mouth!” pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt.
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”
Jessica replied, “only when he’s drunk.”