Puns Jokes Messages Funny and Humorous Sclection

{SCA} This post is dedicated to funny  puns jokes.

These new and best collection of  puns jokes text messages are in English.

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Punny Biblical Q+A’s

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh’s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.

Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A: David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A: Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, “We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement.”

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson; he brought the house down.

Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
A: They were really put out.

Q: What is one of the first thing that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A: They really raised Cain.

Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A: Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q: How long did Cain hate his brother?
A: As long as he was Abel!

Q: What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?
A: So long Fellers!

Q: The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A: They used floodlights.

Q: After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?
A: 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q: Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?
A: When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q: Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
A: When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A: The thought had never entered his head before?

Q: If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
A: No, he already fell for it once.

Q: Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of his stomach?
A: Because it was Paul’s bottle.

Q: What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A: Turn right and go straight.

Q: Why won’t we drink milk in the new world?
A: Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.

Q: Why shouldn’t Christians watch TV?
A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said, “Tell the vision to no one.”

Q: Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A: The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.

Q: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
A: Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, “I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.”

Q: Will there be dogs in the new system?
A: No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.

Q: Who was the straightest man in the bible?
A: Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.

Q: Which Christian magazine did the apostle Paul command to never throw away?
A: Ephesians 5:18 says to “keep Awake”