The modern world is an expensive place, where most households require two incomes to purchase even the most modest of dwellings. Couple this fact with the progress women have made in the workplace since Eisenhower was president and you’ve got a perfect cocktail for a potentially sour brew known as long distance relationships, which are brought on by career moves that often mean a change of address.
Careers can pull anyone across the country provided the opportunity is grand enough. You’ll need to look inside yourself and be sure that you’re ready to deal with this level of commitment. If you’ve been tempted to stray while she was still living in town, chances are you’re not ready. However, if you can’t see yourself with anyone but her, there are a host of factors to consider when embarking upon long-distance relationships.
Long distance relationships do, however, have unique difficulties. The success of a long distance relationship might depend greatly on whether the two people who make up the couple adopt the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” or the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy.
If you believe the former, chances are you have what it takes to make a long distance relationship work. Here are some tips to increase your chances of keeping those home fires burning while the two of you are apart. The following long distance relationship tips will go a long way to help you achieve a lasting love. Here they are:
Establish the Relationship Rules and Parameters:
In a study of long distance relationships, Dr. Greg Guldner found that 70% of couples in a long distance relationship who did not set rules, or deal with changes, ended up breaking up within six months.
This means that it is vital that you and your partner set rules and parameters to guide your long distance relationship. This includes an agreement that you will not date others, that you will communicate daily, and that you’ll see each other at least once every 2 to 3 months in person.
Agree on an End:
Before you decide to jump headfirst into long-distance relationships, you should first agree on an end goal with your partner a specific time, be it six months or a year, when the separation is going to end. You can reunite, she can move home, you can follow or you can call it quits.
There has to be an agreed upon goal to look forward to when you first embark upon long distance relationships. Otherwise, you may end up stringing along the status quo indefinitely, which breeds a particularly robust strain of frustration.
Be realistic in your assessment of this relationship timetable. Make sure to leave enough time to accomplish the goals that forced the separation in the first place. Trying to rush through an experience, even for a relationship, is a good way to build up unhealthy levels of stress.
Communicate Regularly and in a Meaningful Way:
Keeping in touch with your partner will take some effort and money, but it helps to keep your relationship alive. You can communicate in many different ways:
- Phone each other as often as you can.
- If you cannot phone, send an sms to let your partner know you are thinking of him or her.
- Write love letters and poems to your partner. Writing to each other can bring some romance back into the relationship.
- Request/dedicate songs for each other on a radio station that you both listen to.
- Make time to visit each other. This may sometimes be difficult because of work, money or children, but make the time to see each other during the separation.
Make Your Time Together Fun:
Talking with your partner on the phone is precious time together for you. Ensure you do your bit to make it a fun call.
Yes, they may want to offload their problems for the day or the week, but once you’ve honored that, make sure you have some fun. Make them laugh, talk about something you loved doing last time you were together, plot something fun or naughty to do together the next time you meet.
Talk About Your Fears:
You might worry if your partner is being faithful to you. If this happens, think about the good things you did together as a couple. Listen to your partner’s favorite music or think about your last conversation together. If you are really worried, then talk to your partner about it.
Sex and Physical Contact:
This can be the most difficult part of a long-distance relationship.
Remember to value your relationship. Think of your loved one whenever you feel tempted to have sex with other people. You can also pleasure yourself with masturbation.
Remember Your Commitment:
Being away from your partner will help you to remember all the good things about being around him or her. Listen to music you both love or put up reminders of your beloved, like his or her photograph. This can make your relationship stronger.
During the difficulties of a long distance relationship, remember why you made the decision to stay faithful to your partner. Remember that you will not always be apart. Look forward to the time when you will be together again.
Involve Your Friends and Family:
In a closer relationship, you would most likely introduce your partner to your friends and family. They may even have occasions to spend together and get to know each other.
This can be very difficult to do with a long distance relationship, yet still just as important. Create opportunities for your partner to speak with your friends and family to make the relationship feel more real.
A Few Advice:
- Remember, every kind of relationship takes hard work and dedication to your loved one or partner, whether it’s long distance or proximal. If you and your partner are willing to take these steps, then expect bumps and turns in the road. These bumps and turns will only help contribute towards a relationship.
- Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying (but so can proximal relationships).
- When you are alone, take out time to see the photos of your love or any gift that he/she has given or any romantic card from them. At night, before sleeping, try to recollect those wonderful moments that you spent with your love. Try to get cozy with him/her in your dreams. Try to imagine yourself in his/her arms being intimately close to him/her. Remember those times when he/she cared for you.
- It’s easier to get into arguments in a long-distance relationship, because you can’t always discern what someone’s actual tone is through text. It’s also a lot easier to say hurtful things when you’re not face to face, but the words can hurt just the same. Take special care to watch how you interpret their words (for it might not be what they meant), and what you say when you’re angry.