Confucius Jokes Funny and Fantastic Collection

{SCA} Confucius is a Chinese biographical film first released in Beijing on 14 January 2010. Directed by Hu Mei, the film stars Chow Yun-fat as the titular philosopher.

This post is dedicated to funny Confucius jokes.

These pinoy and new collection of Confucius jokes sms text messages are in English, Hindi and Urdu Languages.

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1. Confucius Says

Confucius Says:

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man who love and loses, have not right lawyer.

When lady say `no´ she mean `perhaps´ when she say `perhaps´ she mean

`yes´ but when she say `yes´, she not a lady.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

When man 60 marry girl 25, like buying book for someone else to read.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.

2. Confucius Says 2

Confucius Says:

Television never replace old reliable key hole.

Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy…

Laziest man in world who marry widow with six children.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.

Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Kids are like Legos, lot of fun to make, but sooner or later, only end up messing up house.

3. Confucius Says 3

Confucius Says:

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Man who make love to girl on hill…he not on level.

Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.

Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there..

4. Confucius Says 4
Confucius Says:

Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.

Man who eat jellybean relieve self in technicolor.

Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who sink into woman’s arms will soon find arms in woman’s sink.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

A girl’s best asset is her ‘lie’ability.

5. Confucius Says 5

Confucius Says:

He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.

Eunuch not strange creature, just man cut out to be bachelor.

Man who dream of eating giant mushroom—wake up with no pillow.

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.

Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.

Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.

Man become old when he watch food instead of waitress.