Most Funny Jokes about Bill Clinton

{SCA} William Jefferson “Bill” Clinton  he was the 42nd President of the United States.

In this post, we have compiled a list Funny bill clinton jokes that are very humorous and cute.

You can share these nice collection of bill clinton Jokes text messages to your friends and colleagues.

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1. No Great Loss

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside…that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

“What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.”

“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”

2. Presidential Pigs

Air Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig under each arm.

As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the bottom snaps to a salute.

Clinton says, “You’ll have to excuse me. I can’t return your salute. My hands are full.”

“Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!” responds the Marine.

“Now hold on,” says Clinton. “These aren’t just pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks.”

“Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!” says the Marine.

“I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary,” Clinton explains.

The Marine answers, “Yes Sir! An excellent trade if I may say so myself Sir!”

3. Make Someone Happy

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy”.

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”

4. The Clintons

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy “Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan,” which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.

If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!

It’s common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.

Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.

The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is just about equal to their mortgage payment. This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clinton’s
salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff – and, this is all perfectly legal!

5. Oz

Bill Clinton, Newt Ginrich and Dan Quayle were riding in a car in the mid-west.. Along came a tornado and picked up the car and threw it 100s of miles away – As they were climbing out of the car and checking themselves for injuries, Newt Gingrich exclaimed that he thought they were in OZ – he said “I’m going to see the wizard and ask for a heart”, Dan Quayle said “I’m going to see the wizard and ask for a brain”…..Bill said “Where’s Dorthy?”

6. Bill, Al, and Hillary All Die in a Plane Crash

Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash. Upon reaching Heaven, they are escorted as important personages directly to see God. God looks at Bill and asks, “Bill, you’ve sinned a great deal. Why should I allow you to enter into Heaven?”

“Well, gee, God,” replies Bill, “I’m the Pres-ee-dent of the United States. I’ve been trying to help people – you know give them universal health care and protect them from those mean-spirited Republicans who want to starve their children and throw sick old people out into the street.”

God considers this a moment and says, “Oh, okay. Sit over here on my left.” He turns to Al. “Al, why should I let you into Heaven?”

“Well, Lord, I’m the Vice President of the United States. I’ve tried to protect the environment from abuse by those mean-spirited Republicans and even wrote a very important book about it.”

God thinks a moment and says, “All right. Sit over here on my right. Now, Hillary, tell me why I should let *you* into Heaven.”

“Well, God, it’s like this. I’m the First Lady, the Co-President and, by the way, I think you’re sitting in my seat.”