Nothing of Value – Short Computer Jokes

This post is dedicated to funny computer jokes. These new and best collection of computer jokes text messages are in English.

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1. Top 10 Signs Your PC Isn’t Top Of The Line

10. The monitor is certified for low emissions by JiffyLube.

9. The logo on your receipt: International House of Lame Computers.

8. You see the salesman you bought it from hawking genuine Rolexes on street corners.

7. The sound board and speakers are a separate unit, and they receive only AM.

6. The ad slogan: Ronald McDonald just grew up.

5. It has only two expansion slots, and they just popped up a couple of rounds of toast.

4. It’s labeled “energy saving” only because there’s no power supply.

3. You just got another one with your Happy Meal.

2. The infrared cordless keyboard has only 15 keys, and one of them is marked Fast Forward.

1. The sticker reads “nothing of value inside.”

2. Proper Diskette Usage and Care

Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the innermechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. “Big” diskettes may be folded and used in “little” drives.

Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a photocopy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the diskettes before inserting them into the drive.

Diskettes should not be removed or inserted into the drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is known as a “hung” or “hooked” state. If your system is hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the slot.

If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with Scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading…

You can keep your data fresh by storing disks in the vegetable compartment of your refrigerator. Disks may be frozen, but remember to unthaw by microwaving or briefly immersing in boiling water.

“Little” diskettes must be removed from their box prior to use. These containers are childproof to prevent tampering by unknowledgeable youngsters.

You can recover data from a damaged disk by using the DOS command FORMAT/U, or alternately by scratching new sector marks on the disk with a nail file.

Diskettes become “hard” with age. It’s important to back up your “hard” disks before they become too brittle to use. Make sure you label your data. Staples are good way to permanently affix labels to your disks.